Read The First Chapter Of 'Stay' by Ash Knight

Stay by Ash Knight 

Chapter One

Joe-Age 22

                “I can do this.  No one is looking at m-m-me,” I chanted, taking in a gulp of air. As I pulled open the huge glass door to Pump It Up, the local sweatbox of death, I adjusted my cloak of invisibility and prayed for the best.  Well, that’s a lie.  I didn’t pray.  I didn’t get religion at all.  But that was personal, and I didn’t do personal.  Swiping my card under the tiny red laser beam, I waited for the brash sounding chirp that signified that I had paid for my membership for another month and the manager didn’t just take my cash and pocket it.  It had happened before, so I had plenty of reasons to be suspicious. 

                Finding my way two steps past the curving countertop, I heard a loud voice yell, “Hey, Joe, don’t forget we close at eight tonight for the holiday,”  Penny, the automaton that sat at the front desk seven days a week, said.  I’d only ever witnessed her wearing booty shorts and skin-tight tank tops whilst dutifully ignoring anyone who wasn’t a muscle god.  If you were a muscle god, she found a reason to touch the goods, each and every time.  The only reason she spoke to me was that I had been known to help her out from time to time fixing things when the members got upset that the equipment wasn’t working.  Otherwise, I was sure I’d be a pariah.

                “Got it, t-t-thanks,” I replied, briskly walking to the changing rooms, wincing.  After opening my locker (lucky #34), I pulled out my shower basket and towel and threw in my backpack. 

                Sometimes, I regretted my life.  Not today, though.  Today I had work.  A guy I knew from a few months back, Mitch, said he needed extra help at a job site because one of his guys called in sick and the framing inspection was tomorrow.  I’d done my share of odd jobs and helped enough with construction that I could be helpful and not a disaster.  I’d always been a hard worker.  I just needed a chance to prove it.  Anyway, I’d made a bit of cash today so on the way here I’d stopped at McDonald’s and bought myself two Big Macs and a Coke.  I didn’t think I’d ever had food taste that good.  Or at least, I couldn’t remember the last time I had the money to pay for something freshly wrapped and untouched.  It was heaven.  Or it would have been if I believed in that.  But I don’t.

                Once I’d showered and shaved, I pulled my laundry out of my locker and started washing it in the shower.  One important tip I’d learned is that if you kept the shower curtain closed, no one bothered you about washing your laundry at the gym.  And really, I had bigger issues to deal with.

                I’d also learned that it was important to take care of your belongings.  I’d only ever truly cared about something once.  And then I understood that caring was a liability.  Anything could be taken away.  Used against me.  Since I was a kid, I’d vowed never to find myself in a situation like that again.  Nothing was worth feeling like your heart could stop beating at any moment.  Like each second it was gone you’d inch closer to self-destruction.  No.  I’d had that once.  Never again. 

                Who was I kidding?  I owned 4 shirts, 1 pair of jeans, 1 pair of boots, 3 days worth of underpants and 1 good pair of socks.  With flamingos.  The other pair of socks had a hole where a nail caught along the side when I hauled ass out of the abandoned building on Trent Street two weeks ago.  Those were my unicorn socks.  Now I only wore those in case of emergencies.  The point was, even if I’d wanted something to care about, I couldn’t have it.  If it didn’t fit in my bag, I didn’t need it. 

                After running the hair dryer over my wet clothes for a while, they started smelling like burnt toast, so I knew the cotton had had enough and I gave the weave a break.  I rolled everything up, stuffed them back in my backpack, threw my basket into the locker and pulled the key from the lock. 

                Passing the cardio equipment, I could see it ended up being a busy night, which meant there would be lots of activity in the parking lot for awhile; I’d need to walk around until it calmed.  As I passed the southern corner of the gym building, I could see the dumpster and Phantom.  He roamed around as usual, taking in the last vestiges of light before the sun set.  Phantom loved the sun and would stretch out for hours, inching across the parking lot as its rays lazed fluidly across the concrete. 

                I’d met him about four months ago, when I first found myself in this town in Oregon, a week after I had started coming here.  He had scared the shit out of me in the night, rubbing against the cardboard and purring like a motorboat.  I had never heard a cat purr so loudly in my life and now I found I couldn’t sleep without the sound of him.  Phantom was comforting to me in ways that I couldn’t even think about.  I couldn’t allow myself to go there. 

                As I strode over to him, he stretched his legs up, up, up until he was directly on the edge of the building’s shadow, then gave up.  I could see the moment he’d resigned that it was getting dark, signalling his time to hunt.  He’d usually be gone for most of the night, but he’d be back to slay the demons in my nightmares later.  After crouching down and giving him a nice neck scratch, I wandered behind the dumpster, behind the old pallet boards lined up against the fence and unpacked my still damp clothing.  It would most likely take all night to get everything dry, so now was a good time to start. 

                After laying everything out across the wooden boards, I threw my bag into the tent that I’d rigged up between the pallets and the chain link fencing.  It could have been worse.  I could have nothing.  I’d been there and lived that life already.  I’d learned from that experience as well...don’t ever let yourself be vulnerable, physically or mentally.  If you had to be alone, make sure you had somewhere to hide.

                After a few hours of walking around the area, I headed back home.  The gym should’ve been empty by then and I was exhausted.  As soon as I had turned my clothes over to dry the bottom side, I got into the tent, pulled my boots off and lay down on the cool sleeping bag.  I told myself I would not think of her.  I would not think of him.  Venom.  I couldn’t.  Every night it was the same.  Don’t go down that rabbit hole.

                Sometime during the early morning hours, Phantom joined me and curled up around my neck, purring into my ear, regaling me with his debauchery and antics while I had been fighting with my prefrontal cortex.  I wished I could dream of the night sky.  I’d be a star, twinkling in the dark, shining on only the people I’d want to see me. 

***

It was Sunday and Sundays were the worst days.  There were less people on the roads, but more were out wandering around, aimlessly peering into windows and sitting around people watching.  I understood it, though.  I had once sat on a bench in the park on Edgar Street for eight hours watching people pass.  I’d met two kids named Ethan that day.  Both Ethans had jam hands.  Kids have this peculiar knack for seeing invisible people.  You can’t hide anything from them. I wondered at what age that ability went away.  Most adults looked right through me.  Of course, that was the way I liked it.

                My mind kept going back to the Big Macs from McDonald’s.  I had a few bucks in my pocket, but I couldn’t buy food today.  I needed to get myself a jacket and a pocket knife.  Life on the streets had turned me into a scavenger.  And now that I had money for it, I needed a knife.  For protection as well as for useful things.  Like opening cans.  Cutting through boxes. 

                Going to the Goodwill in town was always a nerve-wracking struggle for me.  On a good day, I could tolerate a few people milling around.  When there was more of a crowd, I’d get itchy.  My eyes burned, my face grew hot.  My skin got too tight.  I felt like I was being ripped apart.  But I had some money today, so I needed to take my chances that everyone would be praising Jesus and hailing to their God while I looked for the necessities of life.

                After twenty minutes and about twelve death stares, I had a jacket, a knife, and a couple of pairs of socks.  This was one of my better trips.  On the downside, I now only had a couple of dollars to last me until I found another job.  Phantom would be waiting for me when I got home, so that gave me purpose, and I stepped lively.

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